23M here been seeing a girl for about a month 20F. We found out that mentally we are really very sexual and sexted a lot in the past week so yesterday we just decided to go beyond just kissing.
Both of us are virgins but my mind is corrupted with a decade of gooning. I only stopped porn and masturbating when I met her a month ago(probably only masturbated twice in this past month) because of the guilt the love for her caused when I viewed porn.
Also, I started experiencing weaker erections since 4 years ago but I would still get super hard if I stopped wanking for a few days so I thought it was all good.
So came yesterday and I was really pumped up. I did all the foreplay I could and she really really enjoyed it. The smell was quite intense but I think it’s cuz my first time but I don’t really care much for it.
However, I couldn’t get hard for the love of god. I have GAD, depression and OCD so I was really tense the day before. I wanted it to be as perfect as possible. She tried a lot to make me hard but nothing worked. I felt like shit but not once did she make me feel bad. I love this woman. We then went back for another good session of oral and fingering and she really enjoyed it.
Also on the other hand, getting actually naked with a woman felt surreal like in a good pure way. It’s literally redefining the mindset I had from porn and my brain was really really shocked and frozen from that. It almost felt like I didn’t deserve getting intimate? You get it? Attraction also felt super different. Prior to her, I was just looking at sex like physical- focusing on their physical features but with this woman I couldn’t sexualise her and the moment was so pure. It felt illegal to have a boner if I’m being honest. I just wanted to make her happy with my fingers and mouth.
My mind is just so clouded from this experience and I just need some advice. I really think I have done some negative brain wiring from gooning that needs to be rewired. I really love her maturity that she displayed in regards to this and so I really want to try to go long term with her.
Please don’t judge me, call me out appropriately 🙏
